Cupids are flying in heart-covered windows again, and Valentine’s commercials sing over the airwaves advertising everything from cards and chocolates to footie pajamas and flowers to custom teddy bears. All this fanfare to delight our sweetheart and get a little something in return.

Expectations rise to a peak – and fall to a letdown. Just like Christmas, we are expecting to receive in equal or greater proportion of what we give. We are looking for happiness in a box, a vase or a ring.

Commercials and pop-up ads dictate what is most valuable on Valentine’s Day. If we don’t get those Pajamagrams or the lovely bouquet of red roses and a box of chocolates, we are doomed to despair.

If we do get them, we worry that we haven’t given our sweethearts enough, and we worry that they might think we are cheap and don’t love them – so off to the store to get more things to fill in the gap of expectations. It’s a merry-go-round, without the merry.

It seems on this holiday of love-sharing, it’s not about giving ... it’s about getting. If we don’t get our heart’s desire, we are dissatisfied and depressed. “Nobody loves me.” The lament is muffled in many a wet pillow. We think everything valuable comes from the department store or the Internet. We think gadgets and trinkets spell the word LOVE.

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The truth is: It’s not what we get but what we appreciate that makes Valentine’s a special day. Melody Beattie said, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”

Gratitude can turn a simple handmade valentine into a thousand red roses and a box of chocolates into a diamond. You just have to allow the gift to touch your heart by shutting out all the expectations and former wishes. It is all about making the giver of the gift feel special for thinking of you.

When I was growing up, back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, things were different on Valentine’s Day. We made valentines for everyone: parents, friends, grandparents and teachers. Everyone was important.

We would make plates of heart cookies and take them to the doors of our neighbors. We would knock on the door and run away and hide. We would wait for the reaction. What smiles of delight and happiness! It was such a wonderful feeling to know the recipient was grateful for our gift or card. We never wondered if someone would bring us something; we were just glad to share.

Grandmother Lovine Crandell was appreciation incarnate. She was the most selfless and generous person I have known. When you walked through the front door of her home, her smile lit the entire room, and her little cry of delight filled your whole being with joy. Her arms enfolded you as she led you to a chair. She expressed her gratitude for your coming.

When you were seated comfortably by the fire, she began the questions. “What are you doing now? Did you just get here? How are your folks? How is school going? Can I get you anything?” She listened as if she treasured every word you gave in answer to her questions. It was as if you were worthy of royal treatment.

When you got ready to leave, she lavished you with another shower of gratitude for your visit. “Please come again. I love your visits. Tell everyone, ‘hello’ and come by and see me.” I always thought I was special, but every visitor got the same treatment. Grandma Crandell was just that way.

In our busy world of Facebook and texting, we often don’t have conversations face-to-face with those we love. We “like” a post and share it, and that is sufficient to let everyone know we care. I wonder if we are losing the ability to really send a verbal message that zings with gratitude and appreciation.

Are we losing the power that comes when a face lights up and eyes shine with gratitude? Have we forgotten how to smile? I mean really smile, from the very depths of our souls. Can we listen without allowing our minds to be crowded with other stuff as the other person shares? Can they feel our love, that we treasure their words?

Children have that magnificent ability to light up the world around them. I have four little granddaughters and two grandsons that live near me. When they come to visit, they come running with eyes aglow with enthusiasm.

Their little arms wrap around me, and in their baby English, they say, “I love you, Grandma.” What a treat! It’s worth more than love letters and chocolate. It lifts the spirit and washes away all troubles.

So much of appreciation is non-verbal. It is not something you can fake. Saying “thank you” is only the first step to showing gratitude. The light needs to turn on in your eyes, your lips need to turn up, and a message needs to be sent from your heart.

An “I love you” must be hiding behind that “thank you.” Then the person who blessed you will not only hear but will feel your gratitude. It will give the giver a gift that is more precious than flowers or chocolates.

I often wonder how the story of the Ten Lepers in the Bible would have been different if all nine had returned to Jesus to say, “Thank you.”

12 And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off:

13 And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.

14 And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.

15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God,

16 And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.

17 And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?

18 There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger.

19 And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.

—Luke 17:12-19

I don’t know if it is significant or not that the leper who came back to thank Jesus was a Samaritan. Perhaps the Jews were not used to giving thanks, as are some in our society. Perhaps they felt if they returned, the miracle would go away. Who knows.

We do know that the Samaritan was blessed twice. The first blessing was the healing of his body. The second gift was the healing of his entire being. When the Samaritan fell down on his face and looked up, his face glowed with love, and his lips tried to utter words he could not speak.

Jesus felt his love. The leper had given Jesus a priceless gift of gratitude, and it blessed them both. The nine other lepers missed that wonderful moment. They were healed but were not whole. They had not been filled twice with the Savior’s love.

When I prepare for Valentine’s Day, I won’t expect to have flowers and chocolates. They are the trappings of love. I want the real thing, and I know how to get it. I will make some personal valentines that remind me I have many things to be thankful for that have nothing to do with flowers, chocolate or even diamonds.

I have a husband who takes time to sit by me and hold my hand. His kisses are as sweet as the first time we kissed 20-some years ago. He listens to me with kindness. He builds me a fire, not only in the fireplace but in my heart. I have children and grandchildren who run to me with unconditional love and hug me with the smile of Heaven.

Who needs a paper valentines and red roses when you have the gift of gratitude to share with those who take the time to remember you. You have it all.  PD