Dog fighting is a touchy subject. Yet an NFL football player has been accused of fighting dogs. It’s in the news.

For those who need further clarification, the athlete is not fighting them himself. He’s not stripping to the waist, putting on a pair of boxing gloves and stepping into the cage with a 200-pound Doberman Pincher. No, although it might seem that could be part of his rehabilitation. Pitting dogs against one another in a battle to the death is inhumane. Even if these dogs are bred to fight, we in the United States do not abide it.

Cockfighting has been outlawed in the U.S. only recently, too. It does not stir the same visceral revulsion in most folks that dog fighting does. It’s easy to see why. It is harder for most humans to relate to a chicken the same way we do to dogs. Besides, you can eat the dead chicken. But the deliberate baiting of animals against each other with the intent to injure, is not acceptable.

We can race dogs against each other, we can use them as security dogs, police dogs, rat terriers, bird dogs, funniest animal home video dogs, lion dogs and coyote dogs, all situations where there is some risk of getting hurt, but they are not expected to die in the line of duty.

I’m wondering, are there any animals, besides kick boxers and Jerry Springer’s guests, where it would be okay to allow them to fight? Not to the death, but a simple match the crowd can bet on. How about trained fighting prairie dogs! They are abundant, but how can you make a prairie dog mad enough to fight? Taunt him? “Hey bucktooth, was yer dad a beaver?” Call him names? “Hairball! Hawk bait! Yer mother lives in a hole!” Kick sand in his face? Hide his hole? Clip his fingernails?

21st Century prairie dogs have become refugees of suburban development. They are now relegated to set-aside prairie dog refugee camps, living crowded, cramped, noisy, stifled lives. They are surely mad as heck! But would they fight? Kick, scratch, bite? No! It is not acceptable under United Nations refugee rules! So the new tame prairie dog nations would be forced to compete in a more civilized manner. Who can draw more flies, who can ovulate the quickest, have a battle of the bands (“I ain’t nothin’ but a prairie dog, cryin’ all the time”), chili cook-off (with and without buffalo chips), a marathon (tunneling for speed and distance).

The winner would get free flying lessons, courtesy of Raptors Unlimited…uh, oh. That doesn’t sound right. ANM