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#Dairygirlproblems: Entertaining tweets from life on the dairy

PD Staff Published on 20 November 2013

Earlier this year, the Progressive Dairyman staff came across @DairyGirlProbs, a Twitter account dedicated to sharing funny, sarcastic and off-the-cuff quips from life on the farm. The account used the hashtag #dairygirlproblems with these clever posts.




While we were never able to track down the genius behind the account, we did want to help spread the #dairygirlproblems fun. We reached out to our Proud to Dairy network and some past HERd management columnists and invited them to participate. Here were a few of our favorites:

Carrie Mess, Johnson Creek, WI

Told hubs my forehead has a tumor. He disagrees and thinks it’s my unicorn horn and all this time I thought I was polled. #dairygirlproblems

Claire Burdette, Mercersburg, PA

A girl loves her toes in the sand … too bad it’s freestall sand. #dairygirlproblems


Wondering when the Today Show is going to help me turn my day-look into a cute night-out-look. The necessary shower takes the quickness part out. #dairygirlproblems

Being part of a farm family my whole I have learned that the prime errand running hours are between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. Outside that window, make no appointments or plans whatsoever! #dairygirlproblems

Cow feces: Walking in it, having it on you from head to toe,- no big deal! The smell at times can even be refreshing. Human feces: the thought makes me want to puke! #dairygirlproblems

Patricia Nissenbaum, Dunkerton, IA

Was told I was “too spindly” to milk cows! #dairygirlproblems What I lack in brawn, I make up for in brains! #dairygirlproblems

Amy Engberson, Monteview, ID


I know it’s going to freeze really hard tonight. I also know if you don’t park your Skid Steer in my garage it won’t start in the morning. That’s the exact same reason I want to park my car in the garage tonight! #dairygirlproblems

I'm tired of being able to only choose from restaurants with a parking lot big enough for our stock trailer. #dairygirlproblems

"Nobody" borrowed my shovel again. Bet it's gone forever. #dairygirlproblems

We could play golf in our yard, using cow hoof prints as the holes! #dairygirlproblems

I'm lucky! He just asked me on a date. We're headed to the parts store! #dairygirlproblems

Andrea Stoltzfus, Berlin, PA

What shoes to wear today? Lightweight rubber boots? Mucks? Crocs? Sneakers for chasing cows quickly through a field? Too many options. #dairygirlproblems

I have always wondered why someone has not been able to package calf (or cow) slobber as a hair gel product or an industrial strength lubricant. #dairygirlproblems

Why is it as soon as we take our nice, clean bibs out of the dryer and walk to the barn, there's a fresh cow, a slimy calf and a pile of poo? #dairygirlproblems

How much Febreeze (and how powerful of a scent) do you have to get to completely mask the smell of barn in the mudroom? #dairygirlproblems

A friend of mine put on what she thought was a "clean" sweatshirt, but it had been washed with her husband's farm clothes and smelled like diesel fuel. Really, who worries about whether their clothes smell like an alpine meadow or a field of lavender? We'll settle for non-diesel, non-cow, non-poo, non-something-dead-the-dog-rolled-in. Bet you won't see "farm-fresh" on any detergent label! #dairygirlproblems .

Farmwomen don't want a cell phone with the most bling or the most bells and whistles. They want the most shock-resistant, shatter-proof model available with a ringer loud enough to be heard over bawling calves, milking machines and tractor engines. #dairygirlproblems

Jessica Peters

Jessica Peters, Meadville, PA

Having an awesome hair day… that only the cows will see. #dairygirlproblems

Being the only girl on the farm and having your "port-a-potty-in-every-field" idea shot down… again. #dairygirlproblems

Singling loudly on a tractor to Taylor Swift in (what you thought) was the middle of nowhere, only to discovered random strangers giggling and pointing in the background. Note to self: Sound carries farther in an open field. #dairygirlproblems

Allison Pieper, Saint Paul, MN

Going to school 2 hours away from all my cattle #dairygirlproblems

Karma Metzler Fitzgerald , Shoshone, ID

You host an outdoor party the same day they decide to run lagoon water through the pivots around the house. #dairygirlproblems

Why are there semen tubes in the laundry basket? #dairygirlproblems

Jessica Rose Spangler, New Berlin, PA

Having heifer calves is awesome, but not when you have no more hutches to put them in. Solution: transform the 10’x10’ dog kennel plus EZ Canopy into a new calf pen. Problem: your son wants to stay in his new playpen and cover himself in sawdust. #dairygirlproblems

Emily Zweber, Elko, MN

It is embarrassing how often we don’t have milk in house for Bkfst. For Pete’s sake we have a whole tank full at farm! #dairygirlproblems

Farin Weltner-Powell, Georgetown, PA

Taking your kids to school because you missed the bus because of a cow calving, only to walk into the building and realize you still have your barn clothes on… muck boots included, afterbirth down your pants for free! Oops! #dairygirlproblems

Vicky Caldwell, Beaver Falls, PA
Farmwife firsts never seemed to stop for me. After 30 plus years of marriage, we entered the empty nest syndrome. All of those little odd jobs that the kids helped their dad do now fell to my lack of expertise or experience. A classic example was the day my husband announced, not asked, that I needed to change light bulbs in the machinery shed. This involved me being lifted 20 feet in the air in a skid loader bucket with my loving husband at the controls, knowing full well that I have a horrific fear of heights! I grabbed all of the CFL bulbs that I could find in the hopes that the next time this job needed to be done; we would have grandchildren around who would love to take a ride in the air with their pap. #dairygirlproblems PD