Ryan Dennis

This past year, our television sets have asked us a very fundamental question: Where’s Jill?

The query was posed by a concerned horse, and a quick answer was given by a white dog with a Southern accent: She was really lonely and out walking the cornfields again.

I had always considered tea an effeminate drink.

I should clarify: hot tea. Surely, hard-working men would have a glass of ice tea in the summer coming in from the fields. Hot tea was, well, girly ... or worse, urban.

“God help us, we’re in the hands of engineers,” exclaims Dr. Ian Malcom, staring at the recreated dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. It turns out, Spielberg might be a prophet.

My grandfather, Dieter Kramer, had always told me: “Ryan, don’t be drinking the water beer.” Water beer was his term for any domestic lager. It was as fine a metaphor as any other for life.

One of the biggest news stories last year was undoubtedly missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. The Boeing 777 left Kuala Lampur International Airport on March 8 heading towards Beijing and in mid-flight disappeared from all radar systems.

This week I am going to give an academic conference-style presentation on a mutated calf fetus that mercilessly slaughters Irish people on a dairy farm.I have spent a lot of time in the university system: as a student, lecturer, researcher – and now as a student again.