Ryan Dennis

A dodgy-looking drifter in a visor hat gives Kevin Costner a tiny lime tree and insists, “This one is for free.” Kevin Costner stares at him blankly and then epically states: “Nothing’s free in Waterworld.”

“Now look at the sitting room. Big sitting room, big sitting room. Very comfortable. Look at the couch there. Go ahead and sit on it. And look at the light. Lots of light, those windows. Now look at the kitchen.”

Farmers elected Donald Trump as the 45th president of the U.S., granting him 75 percent of the votes in the Farm Belt and heavy margins of victory in other rural areas. Those in agriculture are largely responsible for his success in key swing states needed to win the election.

My Irish housemates, Kieran and Tommy, were sick of me trying to explain American sports to them. In retaliation, they forced me to choose an English Premier League soccer team to follow. I was already prejudiced against a sport that didn’t have cheerleaders and could end in a 0-0 draw, but I played along.

Ronan puts his hand on my shoulder. “Ryan,” he says. “Do you have the soul inside you?”

Ronan had started his own radio show on the university station and invited me into a recording session.

“Don’t worry,” I told my girlfriend. “There are a lot of 18-year-olds who live around us. They’ll get eaten first.”

Preparing for the zombie apocalypse is one of my side hobbies. When I drift out of a conversation, usually it is because I’m evaluating the surrounding space and considering how to bolster it against the infected hordes.