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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

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Just in case you didn’t know, Sept. 15 is National Double Cheeseburger Day. I think that one sentence alone is enough to complete this article, but the editors insist I fill up at least half the page.

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Every day, we get older – but it’s better than the alternative. They say wisdom comes with age, but so does arthritis, slower movement and the walking farts.

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You ever wonder what happens to all the 4-H animals that don’t make it to the show? You know, the animal you’ve dropped thousands of dollars and lots of time into so your kid could be part of the fair.

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Well, thanks to all the recent stay-at-home orders, business is booming for the farmers who grow green peas. Why? Because vasectomies are up by 80%. Apparently, December and January will be the next big baby boom.

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Many of you have emailed me in the past about my writing abilities. And I thank you all. Some of you feel sorry for me and have asked if I lived under a power line growing up. And yes, as a matter of fact I did.

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June is Dairy Month. That’s enough said about that. June also has Father’s Day. I don’t want to say farmers are simple, but we are. Why? Well, we’ll drive 100 miles to a presentation just for a hat, notepad and free dinner.

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