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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

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 Statistics show the average person changes careers five to seven times in a lifetime. I couldn’t find any statistics on how many job titles a farmer has in one day. One particular rough Tuesday, I was a carpenter, plumber, ob-gyn (cow version) and an undertaker.

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They say everyone needs a good education. I am educated. My mom home-schooled me, and I graduated when I was 7 years old; she looked at me and said, “Well Tim, that’s everything I know.”

An education in farming can come in many forms. A formal education can be bought at many colleges and universities, and many of these schools do offer farming degrees. Generally, these are short courses like a couple semesters or a weekend seminar. Actually, it’s shorter than that. They mail you a pack of seeds, tell you to plant them – even if they don’t grow, you have just graduated into being a farmer.

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To most people a dog is the family pet. A dog on a farm is a working dog. That’s why you never see a poodle or a dachshund on a farm. And if you do you see one, it’s not for long. Small dogs tend to “run for their lives” back to town after meeting the barn cats.

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Rodeos are a showcase for cowboy abilities. Everyday work on the ranch is put on display, including the new guy they dressed up in a clown suit and put in a barrel for his initiation. However, people are not showing up by the busloads purchasing tickets to see farmers’ abilities.

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As a kid, I would see pictures of big, new, shiny tractors in the magazines and remember thinking, “One day, I’ll have one of those.” Now, 40-plus years later, I have the willpower to breeze right over those advertisements – because I could never afford one.

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Last week, I received a letter from my insurance company explaining safety tips for using fireworks on the farm. At first I thought, “What kind of insurance company would actually encourage pyrotechnics on the farm?”

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