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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

LATEST

The Manure Spreader By Judge me if you must. Would you leave your crop half-harvested? Would you leave your field half-mowed? Would you only milk half your cows? No, people. I was not going to leave a pie half-eaten.

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I got roped into having a farm tour for my niece’s third-grade class. I’m not complaining about trying to educate these young minds on agriculture. I’m not venting about the “helicopter” moms wiping my entire farm down with Clorox wipes.

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I will never understand people’s obsession with costumes. I was invited to a costume party a while back, and when asked what I was going to come as, I replied, “A sexy farmer.” To which, my friend asked me: “Why?”

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 Statistics show the average person changes careers five to seven times in a lifetime. I couldn’t find any statistics on how many job titles a farmer has in one day. One particular rough Tuesday, I was a carpenter, plumber, ob-gyn (cow version) and an undertaker.

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They say everyone needs a good education. I am educated. My mom home-schooled me, and I graduated when I was 7 years old; she looked at me and said, “Well Tim, that’s everything I know.”

An education in farming can come in many forms. A formal education can be bought at many colleges and universities, and many of these schools do offer farming degrees. Generally, these are short courses like a couple semesters or a weekend seminar. Actually, it’s shorter than that. They mail you a pack of seeds, tell you to plant them – even if they don’t grow, you have just graduated into being a farmer.

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To most people a dog is the family pet. A dog on a farm is a working dog. That’s why you never see a poodle or a dachshund on a farm. And if you do you see one, it’s not for long. Small dogs tend to “run for their lives” back to town after meeting the barn cats.

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