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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

LATEST

As a dairy farmer, I am always thankful for the human body’s need for vitamin D, disposable latex gloves and the fact that it doesn’t snow here in Florida. Never has – except on that cold winter day of 1976 when my brother thought a snowflake landed on him.

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There are three things every man should never forget: his wife’s birthday, their wedding anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Forget any one of the links in the chain, and no matter what you do for the other two, you’re toast. Sure, she might tell you it’s not important, and don’t bother to get her anything.

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A dairy farmer friend of mine told me that on his farm, “They don’t have preventative maintenance; they have crisis management.”

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A famous Hollywood superstar has just declared their New Year’s resolution was to become a farmer. Said person’s reasoning was to enjoy nature, live off only the food they grow for themselves and live a simpler life.

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Have you ever wonder how Santa Claus can eat 2 million pounds of cookies in a 12-hour period and not end up in a diabetic coma?

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At Thanksgiving dinner, always remember to compliment the chef. Just know that if you compliment your mother-in-law on the “turkey neck,” be sure she knows you meant the actual turkey. Tryptophan in turkey will only make you tired, but a mother-in-law has the ability to “put you to sleep” permanently.

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