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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

LATEST

We all know farming is a gamble. We roll the dice every day. We try to count cards and figure the odds on seed prices to butterfat, or fuel prices to pork bellies, and everything in between.

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Answer me this: Why at “retirement parties” do they give the retiree a new watch? At this point in their lives, do they really need a watch? If there were such a thing as a retirement party for a farmer, and he received a watch, chances are he would shoot the rooster the next day. The rooster didn’t retire, but the hand of the watch terminated his job.

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I felt like my cholesterol was getting too low, so I went to the county fair. Ahh, the smell of cotton candy, corn dogs and port-o-lets. There is nothing like walking down the midway and saying to yourself, “Wow! I don’t look that bad after all.”

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They say a dog is man’s best friend. They say in time a dog starts to resemble his owner. That being said, my dog George isn’t much to look at.

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People, we need to talk. Now, I don’t want to be controversial or start any protests; however, I feel we need to, as a farming society, talk about this.

Out there, there is an entire class of people being misunderstood and picked on because their culture is different.

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There are many types of strange things farmers grow and raise, but we will talk about that another time. Right now, I would like to talk about my neighbor Arlie. He has decided to be a fish farmer – and he doesn’t even know how to swim.

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