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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

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Last week, I opened the mailbox to find an entire envelope of coupons, just for me. Apparently, these select merchandisers were giving discounts to their favorite customers. I opened the coupons as fast as I could while thinking, “Finally, all my years of loyalty to Corn Flakes, Old Spice and Fruit-of-the-Loom were being recognized!”

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Well, spring is in the air. The days are warmer, things are starting to green up again – and just last week I had a group of bird watchers show up at the farm. I inquired if they needed to borrow some birdshot. They looked at me like I had a talking parrot on my shoulder.

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The month of March brings with it some monumental celebrations such as St. Patrick’s Day, which is celebrated by eating corned beef and cabbage, Skittles and lots of green beer. This is a special day for some – but just another typical day for the people of Wisconsin.

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Let’s face it, farmers need money – more money – and more time. Seems like I can never get enough done in the day, and I’m always trying to cut some milk production costs too, so I had the bright idea to start a day care on the farm.

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Personally, I think the greatest invention of all time is the outhouse. Before that it was just corncobs and chaos.

“Necessity is the mother of invention.” I’m not sure who originally made this statement, but I’m pretty sure the person was not a farmer.

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There is a large movement today trying to educate people to be more aware of where their food comes from – as opposed to the movement people have where their food ends up. This has never been a problem for those of us in the farming community.

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