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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

LATEST

I’ve never read an instruction manual or how-to book in my life, but somehow people keep giving me their broken stuff – and this perplexes me. Even if it were working, why would I want it?

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Have you ever wondered why the Olympic games are held in huge cities around the globe but never in McCool Junction, Nebraska, or Gillies Corners, Ontario?

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Clichés are the English versions of ancient Chinese proverbs. I think people who use clichés are actually saying to you, “I don’t have the time or patience to talk to you about your problem, so here is some wisdom I read on a coffee mug.”

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As a dairy farmer, I am always thankful for the human body’s need for vitamin D, disposable latex gloves and the fact that it doesn’t snow here in Florida. Never has – except on that cold winter day of 1976 when my brother thought a snowflake landed on him.

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There are three things every man should never forget: his wife’s birthday, their wedding anniversary or Valentine’s Day. Forget any one of the links in the chain, and no matter what you do for the other two, you’re toast. Sure, she might tell you it’s not important, and don’t bother to get her anything.

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A dairy farmer friend of mine told me that on his farm, “They don’t have preventative maintenance; they have crisis management.”

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