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Tim Moffett

Tim Moffett is a Florida dairyman and stand-up comedian. Read his humorous take on the dairy industry in his regular column, "The Manure Spreader."

LATEST

There was a recent scientific study which stated that living in the city is much safer than living in the country. Apparently, they looked at all the relevant statistics from hospital records.

That’s simply not fair – because country people simply do not go to hospitals. My uncle’s philosophy was you only go to the hospital if, as he said, “You need to put it back on or pull it back out.”

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Lesson learned. If you think you can skip just one farm-related meeting, you are wrong. Whether it is a co-op, local FFA, fundraiser or church business meeting – you have to be there. I missed one last month, and much to my dismay I was voted director of events for the Farm and Quilt Fest.

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What is it about a dairy farm that no matter how much you plan ahead, everything breaks at 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve? I’ve got 15 5-gallon buckets of spare parts, extra motors, a good hammer and a brand new roll of airplane duct tape but don’t have the one dang piece I need to get the cows milked. Hunker down, my friend.

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Why must they have elections two weeks before Thanksgiving? It’s what I like to call the fuse that starts the argument at Thanksgiving dinner. One rule about voting: Do it. That’s it. You have now received Tim Moffett’s entire political wisdom.

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Well folks, it is that time of year. There is a chill in the air, the leaves are turning, and deer season is in full effect. So what does this all mean? It means that during our busiest time, every city dweller within 200 miles stops by to tell us how to do our jobs.

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I was talking to my accountant the other day, and she said the cookie jar was almost empty. “Crumbs” in the bottom of the jar was what she should have said.Now, I never really had a plan for my “future earnings,” as they say. When asked by my accountant what I would do with my future earnings, I replied I would pay my future bills.

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