Tim Moffett

I was talking to my accountant the other day, and she said the cookie jar was almost empty. “Crumbs” in the bottom of the jar was what she should have said.Now, I never really had a plan for my “future earnings,” as they say. When asked by my accountant what I would do with my future earnings, I replied I would pay my future bills.

Recently, I performed at an annual farm-related event. Someone thought it would be a nice idea to let two politicians give their spiel before I was to speak. It was like riding my bicycle behind a manure spreader.

On my farm, the worst day of the year for milk production is the first day of summer. That’s when the cows have noticed I dragged out the old grill from the barn. Older cows know that grill stays fired up from now ’til Thanksgiving with a short spark on New Year’s and the Super Bowl.

In the last few months, I have seen newspaper articles about new technology on the farm.

Frankly, I would be happier with some stronger duct tape; that hole in the slurry wagon isn’t going to fix itself. How about an electrical motor that never quits working on holidays? I know – a shovel handle that, when broken, grows back like a lizard’s tail. That would be technology.

“Ice cream should be in your life, too. What’s more, it’s not even a bad or unhealthy food,” says Dr. Oz. quoted in Time Magazine. From myself and all the other chubby farm kids: We salute you, Dr. Oz. Finally, I have someone who supports my eating habits. Who is this person who supports me? He is a doctor and a wizard.

There has been a lot of talk about the “Dairy Farm Security Act.” I for one think it is about time we focus on security – because I’m missing a lot of tools.Your first question might be, “Tim, do you own a dog?” Yes, I own a dog, but right now he is not a suspect.