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The Manure Spreader: Bovine Casanova

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairyman Published on 11 March 2019

We’ve all heard of people who are “legends” like John Elway, Carol Burnett and Ronald Reagan. People who were great at what they did. And then we’ve also heard of people who are “legends in their own minds.” Like the Kardashians and CNN’s Jim Acosta.

Recently, I came across an obituary I had saved from an old Farm Journal Magazine. It was an obituary about a legendary bull in the dairy industry who had broken records and left his “seed” to change the genetics of the dairy cow. I’d like to provide you with some clips of this obituary and, as always, give you my intellectual thoughts.

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So Long to a Beloved Bovine Casanova: A world-champion lover was laid to rest last year – though this one was an ill-tempered dairy bull with an ultra-high libido. His name was Toystory. Toystory is the world’s top producer of semen for the dairy trade, having produced 2.415 million units for sale into more than 50 countries for A.I. In 2009, Toystory entered the “millionaires club,” having provided over 1 million straws.

I did some follow-up research. Toystory was from Wisconsin, which means he was a Packers fan. And Packers fans like to stretch the truth when it comes to numbers, so …. Anyway, Toystory’s genes were in more than 50 countries, which is actually more countries than the actual movies Toy Story 1, 2 and 3. Toystory sired over a million calves in 50 different countries.

He had to sell his stuff in order to pay all the child support. He had “baby mama drama.” I heard at one point he owed so much money that, on the weekends, he opened a lemonade stand and started selling Amway. If he was alive today, I can’t imagine the lawsuit that would be on him from the radical environmental groups for using that many straws.

Genex says, “From the beginning, he showed his genetic credentials.” Toystory’s semen could be collected an average of nine times a week, about twice as often as other Genex sires, and he produced about twice as much usable semen as other bulls his age. Dairymen bought it, at upward of $60 per straw at his peak, nearly as fast as the sire could produce it. Toystory died peacefully at the age of 13 and is buried on Genex grounds.”

Good grief. Nine times a week? How come I’ve never seen him on those E.D. commercials? Toystory was a legend and a machine. He was a four-legged gigolo. Died of old age? C’mon, he was on a diet of Gatorade and raw oysters for every meal. Personally, I don’t think Toystory died of old age. I think he was just flat wore out. Just before he died, Toystory was heard saying, “Not today, I have a headache.” Rest well, my friend. Your legend lives on.

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A farmer asks his local semen salesperson, “This Toystory semen, is it expensive?” Salesperson replies, “No, it’s a-fertile-bull.” Bam!!  end mark

Tim is a Florida dairy farmer and comedian. Visit Tim at Tim the Dairy Farmerthe Dairy Farmer.

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