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The Manure Spreader: Cheeseburger paradise

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairy Published on 11 September 2020

Just in case you didn’t know, Sept. 15 is National Double Cheeseburger Day. I think that one sentence alone is enough to complete this article, but the editors insist I fill up at least half the page.

Seriously, why is there not more exposure about Double Cheeseburger Day? The Irish get St. Patty’s Day, Mexico gets Cinco de Mayo, and chocolate makers get Valentine’s Day. Those of us with high cholesterol should get our own day too. This past year at the state fair, one of the vendors unveiled a new product. It was a bacon double cheeseburger, and the buns were two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. It was called the Quadruple Bypass. I had three.

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When was Single Cheeseburger Day? Did I miss it? Is there going to be a Triple Cheeseburger Day or a Bacon Cheeseburger Day? If we start having days for every type of hamburger, we’re gonna have to extend the calendar just to get through the Cheesecake Factory menu.

I do have a few questions, though. Who’s in charge of this day, and why is it in September? Summertime grilling season is over. If I can’t wear white after Labor Day, there is no reason to eat a double cheeseburger. Is there a Steak Day? Is there Beef Tip Day? Please don’t let there be a Pot Roast Day. If there is, it should be on April 15.

Pot roast and taxes – those are two things everyone can do without. In fact, if it was a law that if you’re late on your taxes you must eat pot roast every day until your tax bill was paid, there would be no such thing as filing an extension. Wow, Tim. What’s your beef with pot roast? Well, that’s just it. I don’t think there is any beef in pot roast. I’m not sure what part of the cow a pot roast is, but if it’s not good enough to be ground up into hamburger, what makes you think six hours in a pressure cooker will make it taste better? The only thing that would make it taste better is if you threw in a handful of salt and pepper, and an old tennis shoe.

Call it a conspiracy theory, but maybe this is just the beef farmers pushing their “red meat agenda” on us. If we don’t get a hold on this, it won’t be long before we have Beef Bouillon Day. Next thing you know, the radical left will be pushing for Tofu Day. And some king will be trying to push for Petri-dish Meat Day. I can’t wait to hear Jimmy Buffet’s new song, “Impossible Burger in Paradise.”

I wish every day could be Double Cheeseburger Day. Why? Because I hate pot roast, and cheeseburgers promote cheese. But, more importantly, cheeseburgers make higher cull cow prices.

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So to all the people who happen to read my articles regularly, I have a request. I’m looking for new topics to write about. If you have an idea, a phrase, a word or even a question, and you would like me to write about it, please send them to me. I would love the challenge. And I look forward to any and all ideas, crazy or not. Shoot me an email at Tim the Dairy Farmer  or email a Progressive editor.

Thank you to all of you who continue to support Progressive Dairy.  end mark

Visit Tim at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

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