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The Manure Spreader: In other news …

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairy Published on 23 August 2019

Well, it’s the nearly the end of summer. It’s been hot, a little stressful, and you can’t wait for your kids to return to the free babysitting we call school. I’d like to take y’all away from the farm for a couple of minutes and share a couple of stories recently in the news.

Feltman’s of Coney Island, which was said to have introduced the hot dog to Coney Island, New York, in 1867, just set a new Guinness world record for the world’s largest hot dog. The hot dog was five feet long, two feet around and weighed just over 75 pounds. Basically, one hog, four chickens and 15 pounds of stuff that fell on the floor. They made the world’s largest hot dog and, to eat it, they hired the world’s smallest Asian guy.

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Don’t get offended at that; look at all the past winners of Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog eating contest and you’ll understand the joke.

A special five-foot bun was made just for the record-size hot dog. The true record breaking in this event was the fact it was the first time the bun was the same size as the hot dog. Why can’t grocery stores figure this out? I wonder whose bathtub they used to cook this thing in? The great thing about a hot dog that’s five feet long is you can actually see the chicken feet and pig lips.

In Minnesota, a woman said her cat Felix is down one of its lives after surviving 35 minutes in the wash machine after being washed with a load of clothes. I think this happens more often than not. I don’t live in Minnesota, but I see a lot of people at the Golden Corral wearing black pants, and they always have cat hair on them. Of course, only the cooks and servers wear black pants, but still....

Just so you know, the cat survived but is now claustrophobic. However, the load of laundry was set on hot and contained a red shirt. The cat is now pink and two sizes smaller. I just have to imagine what it was like when that woman opened the lid on that wash machine and the cat jumped out. In my head, it was probably like cranking on a jack-in-the-box as a kid. Dut-do-dut-do-do-do-dut, do-dut-do-do-doo. And as the door flies open, wraanghhh!!

In other news, police in Wisconsin have been on the lookout for a kangaroo. A kangaroo has been spotted on several occasions crossing roads and walkways. Authorities and concerned citizens have searched high and low for the joey but were unsuccessful.

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This has the “cheesehead state” concerned because this means volunteers will have to devote precious time searching for a kangaroo rather than Bigfoot. In my opinion, let the kangaroo stay. You know what it took for the kangaroo to get here from Australia? That’s a layover in Hawaii. Not to mention he probably flew United and had an unexpected 13-hour delay in Chicago. Let the kangaroo enjoy some brats and cheese curds.

In related news, a recent survey says alcohol consumption in the state of Wisconsin is down. Apparently, residents say drinking “makes them see kangaroos.” Bam!  end mark

Some of you need some laughs at your upcoming farmer meetings. Check Tim out at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

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