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The Manure Spreader: Mother’s Day

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairyman Published on 04 May 2018

I think it would be safe to say we were all delivered into this world by our mother – unless you’re Gary Busey or Nancy Pelosi. I’m pretty sure aliens dropped them off. Because they both seem to be from another planet.

In the month of May, we take out one day to celebrate the woman in our lives who has taken years out of her own life to feed, wash, provide for and mold us into the people we are today. Some of us may not have been raised by our biological mother, but we still call her mom.

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Luckily, for most of us, humans are one of the few animals that don’t eat their young. If that were the case, I’m pretty sure the earth would be much less populated just from dealing with dirty diapers and Barney re-runs. This woman has seen you naked and didn’t laugh.

She wiped the snot bubbles from your nose when you had your first romantic break-up and didn’t laugh. She encouraged you when you wanted to grow up and be a rich farmer and didn’t laugh. Moms deserve a medal.

So with this enormous platform that is Progressive Dairyman, I would like to, on this Mother’s Day, publicly pay tribute to my mom. I’m so thankful for all my mom has ever done for me. I could never repay her for all the sacrifices she made for me.

Just a few words to describe her are godly, witty, humble, compassionate and the best cook ever. I wouldn’t be writing this article today if it were not for my mom. Sixteen years ago, she encouraged me to pursue the desire I had to try my hand at stand-up comedy. She told me I always had a knack for making her laugh, even on some of her worst days. I had her blessing as long as I kept my material clean.

I remember her saying to me, “Don’t make this something you wish you had tried. Take it from me, Tim, life is too short.” The next day, she passed away.

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Although she has never been to one of my performances, I know she’s watching.

She kept her promise, and she has blessed me with some great memories which have turned into some very funny bits on stage. I try my best to keep it clean because I know I will see her again someday in Heaven. And one thing she would always tell me, “I don’t care how old you get; I’ll always be your mother. Which means you’re never too old for me to whip.”

So this Mother’s Day, be sure to take some time to thank the mom in your life for who you are today. You wouldn’t be here without her. For all others, the mother ship should be touching down in California soon.  end mark

Sign up for the e-mail list to see Tim’s upcoming “Manure Spreader Comedy Tour” at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

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