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The Manure Spreader: Old grumpy

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairy Published on 11 March 2020

Have you ever met someone who was always grumpy? Sure you have. I know we all have our moments – and sometimes days.

But I’m talking about that person who could win the Powerball lottery, get $75 per hundredweight for Class III milk and not be happy. The person who never has a nice thing to say about anybody or anything. If you’ve read thus far and have never met anyone like that … it might be you.



Recently, I did a show for a large farm group. There was an elderly man in the second row who just looked miserable the entire time I was on stage. My brain wouldn’t let me get around his body language toward me the entire set. He had his arms folded, kept giving me the stink eye, deep sighing, constant squirming in his seat and hardly laughed at anything I said. After the show, he made a beeline straight at me. He ran up, shook my hand and said, “You were hilarious.” I was shocked. Before he ever said a word to me, I thought I wouldn’t like this fella. I said to him, “What the heck are you talking about? You gave me the dirtiest looks, had your arms crossed, and a couple times you sat up like you were getting ready to leave.”

Then he replied, “Oh, I got hemorrhoids.” His comment made me laugh so hard I completely forgot about why I was initially upset at him. We laughed and talked about creams, Epsom salt, bumpy dirt roads, truck stop coffee, wooden church pews, metal lawnmower seats, Mexican food and how he made a donut cushion out of an old wheel barrel tire.

As it turns out, I was the grumpy one. I had pre-judged this man and had already given up any chance of being happy that night on stage. Even worse, I had already made up my mind I didn’t like this man, even though I had never even talked to him. So now whenever I see someone in the audience who doesn’t look like they are enjoying themselves, rather than judging them I just assume they have some type of booty problem.

Imagine if we all had that same attitude toward grumpy people. Society would be a happier place. We could all smile big while watching the folks on CNN and MSNBC, knowing how painful it must be for them sitting in front of that TV camera for hours a day.

I’m starting a new non-profit organization where we collect used wheel barrel tires, kids’ floaties, pool noodles, old nautical rings, buoys, inner tubes, water balloons, old couch cushions, sheep, cotton candy and anything soft to sit on. I’m going to give the products away to all the grumpy people I meet in my travels. If you’d like to donate, just look for my new business called ‘Happy Toosh.’ Our slogan will be: “We’ll put a smile so big on your backside it’ll show up in your face!” end mark


You can visit Tim at Tim the Dairy Farmer.