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The Manure Spreader: Toilet paper

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairy Published on 06 May 2020
Toilet paper

Who knew the timber industry would be so appreciated in a time of need! Sure farmers, processors, truckers and stores deliver the food products to the people, but, in the end, we all need toilet paper.

My cousin Mark called me today and said he ran out of toilet paper and had to start using lettuce. Today was just the tip of the iceberg.

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Studies say one tree can produce 1,500 rolls of toilet paper, and the average person uses 100 rolls of toilet paper per year. That’s a lot of trees! Why do I never hear Ocasio-Cortez mention that statistic along with her cow fart ideas? The U.S. is the largest consumer of toilet paper in the world because some countries and religions have laws against using toilet paper.

Back in the day, people used leaves, moss, grass. So, basically if you’ve ever been hunting or on a camping trip you’ve done this. I was with a buddy on a road trip and he hit the woods off the road to do his thing. He came back missing a sock. Yuck! One time on a hunting trip, my cousin just grabbed some foliage in the dark for clean-up. The next morning we took him to the local walk-in clinic to be treated for poison-ivy.

My grandpa told me about the original toilet paper – the corn husk. I thought a corn husk sounded rough until I read where some people actually use seashells. My goodness! Put this seashell up to your ear and you can hear the smell of New Jersey!

Toilet paper is made of 70% hardwood trees and 30% softwood trees. Why don’t they ever tell us what kind of trees? Is this red oak, birch, mesquite, pine, maple? Maybe I’d like my toilet paper to match the hardwood floors in my bathroom. Some woods just don’t stain the same. If you ever find yourself in a pinch, newspaper works quite well. Just think of the money farmers could save if rather than buying toilet paper they just used old farm magazines. (Not this one, of course.)

So, I’ve given you some good knowledge and even a great money-saving tip here. If you’re like 80% of my reading audience, you should probably read this article again or make a copy of it. Because, chances are you’re reading this sitting next to a stack of old farm magazines while you’re on the pot. This article will be the start of many trees you’re about to save! Stay safe and healthy my friends.  end mark

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Visit Tim at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

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