Current Progressive Dairy digital edition
Advertisement

Tim the Dairy Farmer: Hurricane season

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairy Published on 19 July 2021

Hurricane season is here in Florida again. Just my opinion, but I think the Weather Channel is owned, operated and financed by Lowes, Home Depot and Walmart. This is when the weather people get all giddy like little schoolgirls.

They’ve been wrong all year long, but now they have two weeks to talk about a storm before it gets here. “We need to sell batteries and lima beans.” Somebody call the Weather Channel.

advertisement

advertisement

This year, I’m gonna let the hurricane break out my windows. New windows have to be cheaper than buying plywood. Here, they advise us to fill up our bathtubs with water for drinking later. Well, these people have obviously never seen my bathtub. You could raise turtles in there.

Hurricane season always puts an abrupt halt to the yearly snowbird season. I guess it’s hard to play shuffleboard or constantly drive with your left blinker on in 80-mph winds. If you’re from the Midwest and have never experienced a hurricane, bars sell a drink here in the South called a hurricane. Most establishments allow only two hurricane drinks per person. The original hurricane drink originated after World War II, using rum because whiskey was hard to come by. The drink was served in a glass which resembled a hurricane lamp.

Since that time, people have just believed the drink was named after the weather. So, in response, bartenders have made it their mission to expand the myth and make the drink resemble an actual hurricane. Drink half a glass, and you’ll actually see the rain clouds off in the distance. By the time you’ve finished the rest of the glass, you’ll have trouble saying your own name and lose one of your shoes. It seems out-of-town businessmen and bachelorette parties are the only takers on hurricane drink number two. I’m just going off what I’ve personally seen, but drink two is when clothes come off, restrooms are optional, people go blind, and a phone call to an ex or employer is bound to happen just before the world spins out of control. Just like a real hurricane, the drink can create total chaos and destruction in a matter of minutes.

People have asked what it’s like on the dairy during a hurricane. The hardest part is putting floaties on all the cows and putting out feed with an airboat. In my experience, you find out real fast how well your barn was built. Throwing concrete blocks on the roof does help for a while. Generators don’t run after getting struck by lightning, and backup generators won’t run while underwater.

I have learned that without power wells don’t run, but with two feet of standing water everywhere, cows aren’t that thirsty. I also learned that if you don’t milk your cows for almost three days, they won’t die. Nor will you have trouble getting them to the milking barn or in the parlor. The best advice I’ve heard: Drink three hurricanes and just ride it out.  end mark

advertisement

A special thanks to all of you who have emailed me some great topic ideas and stories. If you have a topic or a real-life “it’s funny now” story you’d like me to write about, please visit Tim the dairy Farmer or email Tim Moffett

LATEST BLOG

LATEST NEWS