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On the Edge of Common Sense: Danged if you do

Baxter Black Published on 07 December 2012

The rancher’s dilemma: If it snows, you don’t have enough hay. If it doesn’t snow, you won’t have any hay! See, heavy snows will delay “turning out to grass,” so you’ll be feeding more hay. But if it doesn’t snow the reservoir won’t fill up and you won’t have enough water to irrigate the hay meadows. You’re danged if you do and danged if you don’t.

If you don’t take off the tourniquet, you’ll get gangrene. If you do take it off, you’ll bleed to death. It’s a choice.

If you order a BLT, you get tomato. If you order a BLT without tomato, you don’t get a BLT.

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If you’re against global marketing because it takes jobs away from Americans, don’t shop at Walmart. But if you don’t shop at Walmart, it will take jobs away from the Chinese and we’ll have to send them foreign aid.

I remember the 2008 primaries: If you voted for Hillary, you got Bill. If you didn’t vote for Hillary, you got Barack.

If you don’t rope right-handed, you’ll never be able to borrow a horse. On the other hand, if you rope left-handed, no one will borrow your horse … same for a guitar!

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. If you’re sorry, it won’t make any difference; no one will love you anyway.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but one bird in the bush is lonely.

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They say a watched pot never boils. I say a boiled watch won’t keep time.

A penny for your thoughts. Make it two thoughts if you can’t make change.

If your throat is sore, you get hoarse. But if a pig loses his voice, he gets disgruntled.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, does that mean a cowboy gets deranged?

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea … does that mean one out of five enjoys it?

If a fish went on a diet, would he be lighter on the scales?

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They say a stitch in time saves nine, but will it keep a mime in stitches?

If you are really into sanity, does that make you insane?

A cowboy without a horse is like a bird without wings. A cowboy without wings is like a bow-legged ostrich.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t. PD

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