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The Manure Spreader: Dairy Month

Tim Moffett for Progressive Dairyman Published on 11 June 2018

June is Dairy Month. Does the average person know that? Probably not. Heck, most people don’t know what a dairy is. These days, walking through the dairy aisle in a store, you would think soybeans, almonds, rice, tofu, coconuts and silk all came from cows.

No wonder people don’t know about Dairy Month – with all those products, you would think all milk was made on a tropical island in Asia.

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I want to talk to the people in charge who decided to make June the official month of dairy. June is also Aquarium month, Gay Pride month, Candy month, National Accordion Awareness month, Adopt-a-Cat month and Turkey Lovers’ month. One of these things is not like the other.

OK, goldfish, pride, candy, music and cats. I see the correlation and think they all comprise similar interests – but turkey and milk products? That’s like me wearing my prom dress to a monster truck show. I mean, I would if there was a pageant or something … what I’m trying to say is: I think it would be cool to see a fish trying to eat a Snickers while playing an accordion. Maybe the people in charge of the “pick a month organization” didn’t want any one celebration to get too big.

Seriously, everybody knows Turkey Lovers’ month should be in November. Thanksgiving, National Leftovers Day and Election Day. This month just screams turkey lovers. But Dairy Month in June? C’mon. In fact, no summer month should be Dairy Month. We all spend millions of dollars just trying to keep our cows alive in the summer.

Production is low, pay price is lower, and we are just trying to survive to the winter for a better pay price. I’m sure June is great for “dairy products” that grow on trees and in the ground. At this point in this article, you should be thankful I’m being censored; otherwise, my viewpoint would be very punctual and colorful.

I don’t know the perfect month for Dairy Month; how about October? That’s always a happy time, right? For those of us in the South, we just survived the heat and, for those of you in the North, the winter cold hasn’t begun. That’s a common good month for “dairy products made from an animal.” (Would someone please remind me how a plant or tree lactates? I must have missed that day in biology class.)

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Plus, if it was in October, Dairy Month would pair nicely with National Pizza day and Homemade Cookie day. It just sounds normal: “milk and cookies” and “cheese pizza.” Much better than the current “cottage cheese rainbows,” “turkey yogurt” and “musical kitty butter.”

So tell your friends if they happen to see a fat guy with a rainbow on his shirt, eating M&Ms and a turkey sandwich while kicking a cat and playing the accordion underwater, it’s just me celebrating Dairy Month. end mark

Visit Tim at Tim the Dairy Farmer. Look for Tim’s comedy album Farm Raised to be released July 20, 2018.

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