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The Manure Spreader: Social distancing

Published on 22 May 2020

Well, the new normal is social distancing. We are all experiencing loneliness from time to time in this isolation. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to talk to your livestock.

However, you might also want to stay away from asking your cows about financial or nutritional advice. Cows have never been good with money and will probably advise you to eat a lot more chicken. And if you need relationship advice, definitely do not ask the bull. Bulls tend to have the “there’s enough love for all of us” way of thinking, which dates back to the 1960s and could result in the use of a hallucinogenic and driving a Volkswagen van.

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Farmers have been social distancing for years. Our closest neighbor is usually two miles away. Heck, I got one neighbor, and the only time I see him is when he needs to borrow something. And I never see him again until he needs to borrow something else – because he never returns what he borrowed.

The great part about all this is now it’s perfectly acceptable to walk away from “Karen,” who always has nothing good to say. Nine times out of 10, it’s the same person who loves to get as close to you as possible during a conversation. All up in your grill with bad breath to boot while you’re dodging the spit daggers. And let’s just make note of this, six feet is six feet. If I can smell you from six feet away, it’s time to shower or use a breath mint.

I will say this groups of 10 or fewer thing has really put a halt to my comedy gigs. However, everything has a silver lining. It’s nice to be able to walk into the local supply store and not have 10 old retired farmers sitting around drinking coffee while telling me how tough things used to be and all the things I’m doing wrong on my farm. Those old guys were probably shocked at the price of coffee when they had to actually started buying their own. I’m sure the local Hardees lost at least $5.50 worth of income when those guys quit showing up every morning.

I finally have an excuse why I don’t go to weddings, funerals, the dentist, doctor, shopping, my cousin’s house, Tupperware parties, Golden Corral, Starbucks, Greyhound buses, Walmart or the gym. Tax Day has been moved to July, but I probably won’t have the money by then either.

Please realize I’m just venting here. I’m writing this in April, and I pray safety and good health to you all. I’m sure these events will change our society for some time to come; however, I hope things get back to normal for all of us soon. Just keep praying for each other and remember that no matter what, God is still in charge. Keep milk’n it!  end mark

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Check Tim out at Tim the Dairy Farmer.

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